Daily Mail - My Story of Situational Anorgasmia
Lingerie model who couldn’t orgasm for YEARS reveals how lovers told them they were ‘too difficult to please’ before they finally sought counselling to conquer ’embarrassing’ condition
June 8th 2018
Article published in the Mail online in the Female section
Go to the original article [here]
Amy Gledhill, from Leicester, has struggled to climax for almost ten years
The 26-year-old model suffers from a condition called situational anorgasmia
Told how past lovers would complain that they were ‘too difficult to please’
They recently sought the help of a sex and relationships mentor for condition
By UNITY BLOTT FOR MAILONLINE
PUBLISHED: 09:39, 8 June 2018 | UPDATED: 23:37, 8 June 2018
A lingerie model who was unable to climax during sex for almost ten years has revealed how past lovers told them they were ‘too difficult to please’.
Amy Gledhill, from Leicester, has suffered from situational anorgasmia – meaning they can’t orgasm in certain circumstances – since they first became sexually active.
The 26-year-old, who works in construction *I didn’t at this point* but also works as a burlesque artist, has spent years feeling ashamed of their condition, at one point so self-conscious they would hide under the sheets during sex.
Despite now being in a happy relationship with a long-term partner, Amy still regularly struggles to climax.
Photo: Kevin Watts/Follyhouse
Amy, who has been in a relationship with Mike Rollason (pictured) for over a year, said: ‘My current relationship has been so much more supportive, he has spent more time on me finding out what I like and what turns me on’
In a last-ditch attempt to treat the condition, Amy recently underwent psychosensual treatment with relationships and sex mentor Colin Richards to help identify the causes of their problem.
They told MailOnline: ‘Being so open about sex and relationships, people are often surprised that I have situational anorgasmia but I don’t think they put this and the burlesque together.’
Recalling the first time they became aware of the condition aged 17, Amy explained: ‘I was never able to orgasm during all forms of sex or masturbating in front of or with partners.
‘It wasn’t a sudden realisation, but over a period of time I became aware I wasn’t climaxing unless I was on my own.
The 26-year-old works in construction but has also worked as a burlesque artist (pictured here in costume), and has spent years feeling ashamed of the condition
In an attempt to treat the condition, Amy recently underwent psychosensual treatment with relationships and sex mentor Colin Richards to help identify the causes of their problem’
‘You read [magazines] and hear all the different ways to give and receive pleasure, and see multiple orgasms in porn, and you assume every woman is capable of such easy pleasure.’
Amy spent many years thinking there was ‘something wrong’ with them as they began feeling increasingly self-conscious during sex and ‘under pressure to perform’.
They said: ‘In the past, it has been commented that I’m “difficult” to please. That breaks down the bond you’d ideally like to have with a partner and makes it seem very one-sided.
‘As relationships have gone on and I’ve become more comfortable with partners, I have been able to relax more and found a way of masturbating with them to achieve orgasm during a sexual encounter.
‘I was still always aware that they felt disappointed that they had not been able to make me orgasm directly or through penetrative sex.
Difficult: Amy spent many years thinking there was ‘something wrong’ with them as they began feeling increasingly self-conscious during sex and ‘under pressure to perform’
In a bid to tackle the condition, Amy took a three-hour treatment which combined counselling and intimate body work – going over their childhood, teen years and relationships
‘Over time I began to blame myself less and less and realised it was a lack of constructive communication.’
Amy, who has been in a relationship with Mike Rollason for over a year, added: ‘My current relationship has been so much more supportive, he has spent more time on me finding out what I like and what turns me on.
‘We communicate so much more and a genuine connection also helps as well as my own experience over time.’
Earlier this year, Amy sought the help of Colin Richards, founder of Intimacy Matters, for her condition.
They took part in a workshop as a ‘volunteer massage receiver’ which helped abolish their body confidence and shyness issues.
Amy on stage. They said: ‘Being so open about sex and relationships, people are often surprised that I have situational anorgasmia but I don’t think they put this and the burlesque together’
As well as their part-time burlesque career, Amy recently took part in a workshop as a ‘volunteer massage receiver’ which helped abolish their body confidence and shyness issues
Despite their flamboyant on-stage persona, Amy says their condition has previously left them so self-conscious they would hide under the sheets during sex.
Amy also took a three-hour psychosensual treatment which combined counselling and intimate body work – going over their childhood, teen years and relationships.
They explained: ‘We discussed a few different things that may have affected me.
‘We came to a conclusion that I struggle to express myself, especially vocally, often feeling like what I had to say was not worth people’s time or that I was not interesting to talk to.’
Amy added: ‘My sexual openness and personal guidance from Colin has helped me achieve a better personal sexual understanding.
‘Orgasms during sex with my partner that I never thought I would experience, and a want to help other people having the same or similar issues, [are] why I set up my business, Amy Gledhill Therapy.
‘I now don’t feel like I’m disappointing my partner or myself even when I don’t orgasm, we both just enjoy sex and don’t fixate on the ‘goal’, this is when it most often actually does happen.’
What is situational anorgasmia?
‘Situational anorgasmia is when orgasm can only be reached in certain circumstances,’ says Colin Richards of intimacymatters.co.uk.
‘For example when on one’s own or after drinking alcohol or with a stranger rather than a loving partner.
Colin Richards is a sex and relationships mentor based in London
Colin Says….
Lifelong Anorgasmia is the medical term for an inability to reach orgasm through any form of genital stimulation whether given by another person or from self-masturbation.
Situational Anorgasmia is when orgasm can only be reached in certain circumstances. For example when on one’s own or after drinking alcohol or with a stranger rather than a loving partner.
Anorgasmia occurs more frequently in women than men. Of course, physiological reasons can be the cause but in most cases, it is the state of their mind when having sex that is at the root of the situation. A likely factor for this is that fulfilling sex for women requires a broader set of dynamics to be present for them to reach orgasm. If the woman has an over-anxious personality, this will increase the chances of not reaching orgasm.
Humans are not designed to hunt and procreate at the same time. Anxiety is just the forerunner of a fear reaction and when in danger we are programmed to escape, not have sex. Hence if a woman tends to become anxious due to a lack of self-worth, performance anxiety, feelings of guilt, fear of expression, poor body image even cultural expectations, then this can conflict with the psychological and physiological process that is essential to reach orgasm.
Within my practice Intimacy Matters, I have treated many women with various levels of Anorgasmia. The Psychosensual Treatment I give can be taken as a one-off (which is sometimes all it takes) or in more complex cases three to six appointments over a period of six months.
By combining counselling and intimate bodywork, I can first explore the client’s life experiences and particularly those in childhood that may be causing to hold on to specific psychological survival responses that are manifesting and conflicting in current sex life. This is followed by a 90-minute intimate massage that is designed to recreate as near as possible the natural female arousal process. Starting with a gentle therapeutic massage that is intended to replicate foreplay to encourage the body to produce increased amounts of the love hormone, oxytocin. That will help the client to relax and become further aroused. This combined with continual reassurance that they are in a safe, non-judgemental place and specific (expert) techniques to stimulate will in most cases result in orgasm. Sometimes all it takes is one experience of orgasm to create a mental shift that proves that it can happen and that there is nothing physiologically wrong. Proving that by changing the emotional responses to certain situations, a satisfactory sex life can be had.
For Amy, their strongest feeling in childhood was that they were not entitled to express their emotional needs and if they did this would cause an adverse reaction from others. So when in a situation where they are required to let go and express themself (essential for good sex) their anxiety would increase and their body holding back not allowing them to orgasm.
It is quite common for people who have challenges with anorgasmia to compensate for their lack of sexual satisfaction and possible feelings of shame and lack of sexual self-worth they will unconsciously seek out similar jobs or lifestyle. I often see women who work in burlesque, as dominatrix’s, in adult entertainment, as escorts, even sex writers. These are all jobs that allow them to experience a form of sexuality while cleverly disguising the disappointment and lack of sexual and self-worth they are actually feeling.
Other professions that appear to go hand in hand with sexual performance challenges are ambitious, driven women often in Executive and CEO positions where ambition and drive acts as the distraction to the frustration of unfulfilling sex. The need for security or to be seen to be the best can overshadow the ability to relax and let orgasm through.
Certainly the Psychosenssual treatment I give is unconventional, some even say ground breaking and some could possibly regard it as a form of sexual service but taking the adage ‘ the end can justify the means’ the number of female clients that have expressed relief and joy that their bodies are not wrongly wired nor are they frigid I feel justifies society to take a broader view and encourage this form of sexual treatment to help anyone who needs support and guidance in their sexual relationships and sexual confidence.